LIFE LESSON: Some people are only meant for a Season

If you want to learn one of the most important lessons of Life, this is it.

Madea - People are like leaves, branches, and... by SceneSelectTV

Carter Eating2

He's here!

After what seemed like an eternity in the hospital, I was released to go home, and ended up having Baby Carter 1 and 1/2 weeks later.

He was born Mother's Day, May 9, 2010, at 6:39 pm weighing in at 5lb 12oz and 18 inches long. Not too far off from McKeonly's weight at 5.13 and 19 inches long. Timothy Carter Allen Huckins.

I was able to come home on Tuesday, and the second we all got in the door, McKeonly grabbed Carter and they took a long nap on the couch. She apparently had not gotten much sleep while we were still in the hospital.

Now, we are all home, and doing great. Like we never missed a beat...

Bed rest...

Yesterday, I reached 30 weeks in my pregnancy. This little boy is even more anxious than McKeonly was to come into this world. Today has been a full week since my OB had me come to the hospital and a full week since my cervix dilated to almost a 5. So far, we have managed to keep him in, (although all the medications seem a little overwhelming during the times when I start having constant contractions). The doctor did say today, that if I start having the constant contractions again, that he'll give me the dose of demorall, and we'll do the start the saline to get me well hydrated, but that he wouldn't start another dose of the magnesium sulfate, which is good. He says if that doesn't stop it, we will deliver Baby Carter.

This has been a very challenging time for me as I haven't been able to be the wife and mother and worker that I'm used to being on a daily basis. But it's also been a positive, as I've realized that I probably do too much for McKeonly. There is definitely a dependency there (on my part too, unfortunately) that may not be the healthiest for us.

I've also come to the realization that I depend way too much on the support of others and, sadly, have more faith in my friends and family than I do, my Creator. After day 2 of being here in the hospital, I realized that the old saying: "Let go, and Let God." is SO important in every situation we have in life. If we depend on ourselves or others, we will be let down 100% of the time. If we leave it to God, amazingly, He may not come through when we want Him to, but He will come through exactly when we need Him to. In a sermon I heard, the preacher said "If we go in praying, and come out feeling the same way... we've only gone in complaining. Not praying."

This is so true. I've begun praying now, KNOWing that God will provide the answer I need. When I am done with my conversations with Him, I feel so much better. I feel relieved, revived, and full of Hope.

Today is Day 7, and each day here in this hospital gets a little easier, as I spend more and more time with my Creator. Instead of thinking about what others are up to, but focusing on the things of my Life- who I am created to be, and what I am created to do. Each day, I wake up and I don't feel so depressed. I don't feel so purpose-less. I know God has me right where He wants me, and I know that, only here, will He be able to fully take control of the things of my life and, finally, finally, begin to move in my family, my work, my home, and myself.

"For I know the plans I have for you..." -Jeremiah 29:11

Baby Bunnies

So, today, McKeonly got out of school early. She came home and was picking the purple-bloomed weeds in the backyard. We kept hearing a squeal, and I thought it was just the baby birds sitting in the trees.

As I was trying to fix the window at the back of the house, the squealing started again. All of a sudden, McKeonly comes running over to me from across the yard,

"It's a rat! It's a rat!"

As I walk over to see what my dog had caught and is now licking on, it appears to be a itty bitty baby rat. After a closer look, I realize there's no tail and the ears are not mouse ears...

I look over to see the point of origination where McKeonly was, I see fur all over the place. It all clicked.

"That's a bunny!!" I exclaimed.

At that point, my dog swallows the baby bunny whole, so I go over and find three more bunnies. They're no more than a day old. I run to the gate, and call my dog to get him out of the backyard. (Usually not a good idea as he runs off, but my intent was to save the remaining bunnies now and get my dog, who has his tag on, later).

At this point, I realize that there's no possible way these bunnies will make it. Either my dog will eat them, or their mother will smell our scent and not return to care for them. So, I call our vet.

She, apparently, has taken in baby bunnies before, so she agrees to take them and nurse them until they are mature enough to go on their own.

McKeonly wasn't too thrilled because she wanted to keep them and care for them, but I haven't the slightest clue how to care for them. After much discussion and the trip to the vet, she agreed that they would be much better off with the Vet. She left my number, though, so the vet could call her when they are big enough for her to feed and hold.

Very interesting moment...

I still cannot believe my dog ate one.

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Baby-not-so-baby- Girl!

I love you, McKeonly Rashael. You will never know the myriad of ways my life has made sense, and served purpose, time and time again, because of you. You are an angel, and I am the most blessed person, that God would have the grace and mercy on me, to allow me to be your guardian while here on Earth. You are the best!

Diarrhea

So, McKeonly learned the word "diarrhea" and its official meaning. For years, we've been calling it "runny poo poo" which is practically correct, but not technically.

As I'm in the restroom, taking care of my business, McKeonly opened the door and began playing right outside of it. She asked what was wrong, and I told her. Then she asked, "What's di-uh-ree-a?" So I basically told her it was "runny poo poo" but that big people just called it diarrhea...

And, thus begun the knock knock jokes. All the way until I flushed the toilet and walked out of the bathroom. Picture this, she's lying on her back with her feet on the door pane, trying to walk them up and down and follow on the other side with her hands, saying:

McKeonly: Knock. Knock.
Me: Who's there?!
McKeonly: Die
Me: Die who?
McKeonly: Diarrhea. HA! HA! HA!

McKeonly: Knock. Knock.
Me: Who's there?!
McKeonly: Die
Me: Die who?
McKeonly: Diarrhea. HA! HA! HA!

McKeonly: Knock. Knock.
Me: Who's there?!
McKeonly: Die
Me: Die who?
McKeonly: Diarrhea. HA! HA! HA!

As I started to show that I was getting tired of the joke, and just wanting to finish with my business in peace, she proceeds to the next joke:

McKeonly: Knock. Knock.
Me: who's there?!
McKeonly: (looking around for something to say) Elephant
Me: Elephant who?
McKeonly: Elephant . . . Diarrhea!

And the laughing continued...(this time I laughed a bit too...)

Kids! Never a dull moment!!!

Enjoy the Little Things

Today, I spent most of my day doing things to help my sister that I thought she wanted me to do. In all actuality, she didn't even care. And, as much as I want to blame it on her and be mad at her, I know it is my own fault for trying to help someone who doesn't want your help.

So, I logged on to my blog tonight, and read some of my past entries. And, I must say. It's nice to be able to look back at how I have gotten through some really tough situations, and it gives me hope to know I can make it through the ones I'm going through presently.

I also enjoy reading about my little girl, and the things I blog about with her and our wonderful relationship. It helps me remember how blessed God has made me. How much He has given me. How much He loves me!

Good Quote!

"The Less I Say, the More I Pray, the better off everyone will be."

This quote actually originated from my mother-in-law when we were talking on Mother's Day.
She is such a wonderful person. And, she has no idea how much she's helped me and continues to do so.
~Thanks Jean~

Oregon

On our long, overdue vacation to Oregon, I seen the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. The ones you only get to see in pictures. Yeah, those.

Here is a picture of a waterfall that we hiked down to. This picture doesn't even do it justice. The trees line the top the ledge, and at the right time of day, the sun will peep through the trees causing an angelic view of this place.

I have to admit, it was a very steep incline, and the thought of having to go back up this mountain was a bit intimidating, but I made it.

If you ever get a chance to visit Oregon, you have to go and see at least TWO waterfalls while you are there. The views are simply amazing.

If you fly in to Portland, be sure to look for Mt. Hood from the plane. It's a beautiful mountain, and I found the best view I had of it was right as we were departing Portland.

The air in Oregon is so clean and the water is so clear. You can't even imagine this type of scenery if you've grown up in a place like Texas your whole life. I must say, this was the first time I've ever seen fern growing and not cut and arranged in a pot or basket. It grows there like weeds grow in Texas. And, the environment is so perfect for nature that you will actually find trees rooted in to rocks and even older, dead trees that have fallen over or somehow lost their top half.

SIMPLY AMAZING!

Proud - Prouder - Proudest

I have to say:

I am proud when I see this cute little adorable girl singing and dancing in the store, and others look and tell me... "She looks just like you!"
~I'm more proud when they still say it after they've seen her father!

I'm proud when I'm holding her, and others stop and look as though their 4-year-old doesn't ever act like that.
~I'm more proud when she acts that way while she's awake!

I'm proud when I pick her up from school, and she comes running across the room yelling "Mommy! Mommy!" on her way to give me a hug.
~I'm more proud when she still does it after she's been in trouble.

I'm proud when she picks out "The Most Beautiful Necklace Ever" for me for Mother's Day!
~I'm more proud when she drags me around to all of her friends, teachers, and complete strangers to show it off!

But. . .
I'm most proud that she's my daughter and I'm her Mommy.
I'm most proud that she loves me unconditionally.
I'm most proud that I take the time to learn from her as well.
I'm most proud that she's most proud of me!!

Amazed

She's been going to Pre-School for three weeks now, and I am totally blown away by her progress. Yesterday, she went to work with me because she caught that nasty bug going around. And, right before we left, she wanted to make some mail for Daddy.
So, I got her a piece of paper where she made some scribbles and then folded it up just enough to fit in the envelope. Then she asked me how to spell Daddy's real name. I took another piece of scratch paper and said J-A-S-O-N as I spelled it out on the paper. She put it right above the envelope, and spelled out his name perfectly. Of course, it wasn't straight, but all the letters were in order. And, you could read it. Then below that, she wrote out D-A-D-D-Y.

My daughter is so brilliant! She learns SO quickly, and I am so happy that I chose Mudpies & Lullabies as her daycare. They are the best.

She Started School

We are now on Day 2 of Pre K, and McKeonly seems to love it. I drove by today while they were out, and I was able to give her a kiss through the fence. Apparently, all the kids know who her momma is, because anytime I come around, they all tell McKeonly that I'm there.

I think it's pretty neat.

It was a scary thought to put her in a facility where she wouldn't get as much attention and other kids could be mean to her, but she is more than ready. The transition from "staying at home with mom" to "going to in-home child care" I think really prepared her for this. Plus, she is SO ready to learn. She will learn anything that's around her. And now she's in a great environment to do so.

When All Else Fails...

This last week has been the most hectic week.

On Tuesday, I left my house at 6:00 in the am to be in Arlington for a court hearing regarding the revocation of my license due to an accident I had almost a YEAR ago. I arrived TWO freaking hours early, so I drove from the courthouse until I found a coffee stop. I grabbed me a coffee and a slice of marble cake--what I consider a delicious breakfast.
As I sat in the waiting area for an hour, waiting to be called in to see the judge, I started to think about the reason I was there--"black out while driving at unsafe speed, yet under the speed limit." Then I began to think about the wreck. . .the trauma. . .the mystery that still surround the entire incident. . .and the reason I blacked out.
Then I really started thinking about the reason:
"If only he hadn't taken my baby girl. If only my mother-in-law hadn't participated. If only I'd stayed gone and not come back to him."

Then the thoughts that followed:
"Should I really be feeling this anger again? Should I be mad at him? Did he REaLLY have the right thoughts when running off with her?"

Then, a break. A man across the room began telling everyone why he was there. He too was there to determine the revocation--or not--of his license. Except the reasons were completely different.
The two ladies sitting across the way. . .must have been mother and daughter . . . seemed way underdressed for a court appearance. But they seemed calm. Or at least the daughter did. She was in scrubs with braided pig tails. The mother was wearing a tight cotton shirt putting on her bright red lipstick. At least three coats. Before she added her powder, she spazzed out in her chair, while her daughter comforted her.
Then my phone rang. It was my husband. I answered. He just wanted to see if I had been in to see the judge. I answered, and he said he was praying for everything to work out. We said our "love you" 's, then hung up.
"What if God wants my license suspended or revoked? "

As I thought more about the wreck, how I came to, buckled in on the passenger's side, how NO ONE witnessed my car do at least two cart wheels before it landed upside down, how the first person to see it was a paramedic from--of all places--Amarillo, TX. The place I was headed to. And the final thing I said to Jason before he took off with my baby.
"I can't be with someone I can't trust not to hurt me again."

And then the thought:
"How can I be with him now? For all I know, he could hurt me again. Kill me. Try to take my sweetie from me again."

As I looked out the window to my right, down to the lower level outside, I noticed an older man walking with a cane. A whirlwind came and blew his ball cap off. He tried as quickly as he possibly could to stop it with his cane, but it blew further down the sidewalk. I quickly sat up in my chair, feeling helpless for him. . . Then a young man came up from the opposite way, and caught his hat, blowing down the pavement, and walked to the old man and gave it to him. In that moment, I felt a smile come across my face. A feeling of reassurance: that I can't help everyone, but someone will. Someone, somewhere. . .
Then in walked two women. Another mother and daughter. The mother dressed as though she was dressed for Casual Friday at work, long hair in a french braid, and a little bit of lipstick. The daughter, hair dyed black, dressed in a black suit with pink pin stripes obviously from her thinner days. She was wearing a pink backpack. As they walked by, a man sitting at the table in front of me, called to them. The daughter said, "Mom, this is my attorney." They took chairs on each side of the man sitting at the end of the table. I could only see his back. As the women sat down, the daughter pulled a PSP out of her backpack, and began playing it. From overhearing their conversation, her dad was an attorney. Her mom spoke only of the past: past judges, past commissioners, past attorneys, past stories.
When they finally called my name, I slowly walked in to the court room, but held my chin up, so as not to show fear. . . I followed the bailiff to the lecturn that stood in the center of the floor facing the judge. A woman. How I hoped and prayed that she was a mother herself. Or at least had a passion for children. I stood there as she looked through her papers skimming over my case. She closed the documents, sat up in her chair, and crossed her arms onto the table area of her seat. She looked over at the two assistants and asked for more on my case. As they read off the details they had, I felt an urgency to give her the context of the incident. When they finished speaking, I addressed the Honorable Ferrell with somewhat of a shakey, yet softly-spoken voice:
"Your Honor, if I may, just give you a little bit of context as to what was going on at the time of my accident.
My husband and I were having problems and he had run off with my daughter, to Amarillo, TX, and I was heading that way to get her. Because of all the stress and emotions, I DID, in fact, have a panic attack, and I blacked out while driving. However, since then, I have seen a psychiatrist, and a therapist, and I continue to see my therapist as needed now. I am learning how to cope with stressful situations so that One: I don't cause harm to myself or others. But mostly, so my daughter never sees me that way again."

There was a pause in the courtroom. No more papers shuffling. The judge re-adjusted herself in her seat, and looked directly into my eyes. As I pondered what she might say next, and how I would answer, she said:
"Well. . . Did you get your daughter back?"

I breathed a sigh of relief, smiled, and said:
"Yes. I did get my daughter back."

Then she proceeded to ask me if I had a job and where. As I told her where, she told me she had a nephew who lived in the town. As I told her what I did, I began stumbling over my words, and she finished my sentence for me as she smiled. Then, the judgement I had waited for:

"I'm gonna say a negative on this case."

They called me to the stand to receive my paper for the dismissal of the charges, and the judge told me she had been in real estate for 37 years before she became a judge, and she knew how important an Administrative Assistant could be. She looked at me, and told me to get back to my work because my boss needed me.

I did just that.
________________________________________________

My next hurdle is my best friend's wedding this weekend. I'm not sure why I'm stressed, but I am trying to just be happy for her and him. They belong together.
Wish me luck!!!

Remembering to Learn. . .

I remember a time, when I spent most of my days in and out of hospitals and doctors offices. When I had allergic reactions to medications, or the doctors overdosed me with "new" drugs. I remember an old friend who told others my story so maybe they would understand my situation. I remember another who called and called until she got through to tell someone to get me to the ER.
I remember waking up on a hospital bed with the doctor standing by my side telling me that I need to tell my mother some things, and they were going to start me on some other medication. I remember my mom. . .rolling her eyes, her lips in grimace, and her hands crossed across her chest. I remember it always, somehow, was my own fault.
I remember telling myself that I must have a purpose if I couldn't end my life through means of somehow hurting myself. I remember telling myself that if I was going to make it through the good and the bad, I must learn from my mistakes and others, and never repeat. And. . .to this day, I do.
I've learned that no matter how desperate I get to have just one good friend, no one will ever be able to hear me like my family does. Nor will they understand.
I've learned that although, people seem to be nice and/or fun at first. There is always a little bad in everyone. So, I must keep my guard up.
I've learned that I'm no exception to that rule.
I've learned that the ones closest to you will hurt you the most, and most of the time, they won't even know they have. Give those that matter second chances, but don't set yourself up to be hurt like that again.
I've learned that some--if not, most--people NEVER change. And, if they do, I can't change them. I can only be the "change" that I want to see in them. . . and pray.
Discernment. . .One word. More powerful than 1,000. A gift that only few possess. And only a few of those who possess it, actually use it.
I've learned that people either have book smarts or they have common sense. And Knowledge and wisdom is not the same as either one of those. These two only come with experience. Common sense and BookSmarts are innate.

I've learned whether it's one thing or ten things that I learn in one day. They are all as important as each other. And that acknowledging these learned things, gives me knowledge and power and strength.
A strength that is more powerful than any physical strength.
A knowledge that helps me make it through the next day.
And a power that is only as powerful as its beholder.

"God Doesn't Like Bad"

This famous quote was said by some Jersey girl on American Idol in Season 6. Ironically, she didn't make it as far as she thought she was going to. . .

The truth is, we all are "bad" at some point in our life, but the truth is, God looks past that. It's not what's in your mind. It is what is in your heart. And, thankfully, God knows each of our hearts. We all mess up, but we must learn true forgiveness.

Actually, in God's eye, all sin -- or "bad" -- is the same. In fact, the Bible says,

How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your
eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite,
first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove
the speck from your brother's eye.

How Will You React?
This was written by Kelly McFadden

"If clouds are full of water,
they pour rain upon the earth. Whether a tree falls to the south or to the
north, in the place where it falls, there will it lie." —Ecclesiastes
11:3

After living in England for a year, I was finally flying home. I decided to fly standby on an earlier flight from Heathrow to Los Angeles. I presented my standby request to the gate representative, and watched as the room began to fill with other passengers.

After an hour, they began boarding the plane and calling standby passengers on board. I watched as not just one, but a dozen people were called ahead of me. The room was nearly empty and the flight was loaded. About five minutes before take off, my name was called. A huge wave of relief rushed over me. I was on.

What frustrates me, though, is that I spent probably 24 hours stressing over whether or not I would get on this flight. As a result, I was short with my husband as he helped me pack. I was rude to the taxi driver because I felt stressed and in a hurry. I never smiled at anyone walking into the terminal because all I could think about was me.

Perhaps you have things like this in your own life as well. Areas you stress about, get angry over and worry about that you have absolutely no control over. Whether it's cancelled or delayed flights, a rainstorm when you planned an outdoor event, waiting in line at the checkout counter, a restaurant not serving you as quickly as you would like, or something else. Solomon knew that there was a lot in life that was out of his control. If the clouds are full of water, then it will rain. If they're not, it won't. If they have a seat, I will get on the flight. If they don't, I won't.

It is easy to get caught up in the moment and panic as you try to control everything going on around you. But there is great wisdom in what Solomon is saying. Sometimes you just need to go with the flow. There are things in our life, in fact most things in our life, over which we have no control. What we do control is how we react. Will we be short with a waiter because our food isn't perfect or will we explain kindly our need? Will we be rude to others because our flight has been cancelled, or will we be able to take a deep breath and remember that where a tree falls, it falls?

Can insecurity in a marriage work?

Been together for five years. Been married for three. Crazy how fast time flies. . .

The truth is, when he proposed, we were at a very rocky point in our relationship, but he was about to leave to come work up here in Dallas, and I think maybe he felt like the proposal would fix things in my head. Truth is, though, it did. . .

Now, here we are. . .Only I have changed. And I continue to. . . Getting further away from myself. Who I am.
But he hasn't. . .He won't. . .In his eyes, it's all me.

Maybe it is. . .

Look Around, Someone Always Has It Worse. . .

I just wanted to post this one for all of those people going through a hard time right now.

Mother's Day/Camping Trip

Mother's Day was just yesterday, and I actually had more fun this past weekend with Jason and McKeonly than I did my whole week of "vacation." Only because we spent every second together this weekend and we were out of the house.

We decided to go on a fishing/camping trip this weekend, and so when Jason got home from work Friday, we sat down and looked at nearby lakes. We found one that was about an hour and-a-half away, and Saturday we left out around noon. Between stops and everything, we got there about 2:00. It was raining when we first got there, but it passed after about 20 minutes. Then we all bailed out of the truck, set up the tent, and went fishing.

McKeonly caught her first fish right off. A catfish. I caught some catfish, and a bass. Then, went the sun started going down, McKeonly and I started catching perch(Sunfish) left and right. We all really had a great time. Jason brought his fishing pole, but for the most part, he was running back and forth between me and McKeonly taking the fish off the hooks, releasing them, and setting our lines back up with some bait.

He said that he was excited though, because that was what he was looking forward to.

After several hours of fishing, we started up our grill, and made up hamburgers and hotdogs. Then we all piled into the tent--quickly, so not to let the bugs in--and laid down.

We have a two-bedroom tent, so McKeonly bundled up in her new sleeping bag, and Jason and I crashed on the blow-up bed. Jason and I unzipped the window on our side, and we just sat up talking about stuff while looking out at the lake and the trees. Almost total tranquility: to be with the one you love so much--that person you can't see yourself without-- listening to nothing but the frogs croaking and the crickets chirping, and the fish splashing idiosyncronously throughout the waters surrounding you.

This photo was actually taken Sunday morning just as the sun was coming up. There was a fog that was over the water that was so gorgeous.

Sunday, we woke up as soon as the sun peaked over the hills, and started fishing again. Then, I went back up to our campsite, and made up bacon and eggs for breakfast. It was pretty good. I've never cooked food over and open fire like that, but I really kinda liked it. Since it was my first time, I was worried I wasn't going to be able to get it to work, so when the bacon started sizzling, I had to throw down a little victory dance.

Meanwhile, McKeonly and Jason stayed down along the bank catching fish after fish. Then they came up, and we all ate together. Afterwards, we decided to take the truck around to another part of the lake, and try out some fishing over there, but we really didn't have any luck.

By 11:00a, I was ready to go though. I was ready to take a clean shower, and the bugs were pretty bad. There were swarms of fireants, flying ants that bit, and little nats that love to fly right by your ear just to annoy you.

While Jason and McKeonly went back to the bank to fish, I gathered up all of our stuff and loaded it into the truck. I was able to take a picture from my cell phone of a bass they caught. McKeonly liked petting them.

Aside from the bugs, this was the most enjoyable trip I've ever had with Jason and McKeonly!